You know the situation: You sit at a table with some friends (or your family, or at work). You’re having a conversation. And every so often someone reaches in his pocket and starts typing on his smartphone. It doesn’t disturb the conversation but it kind of feels intruding: Is this person bored? Having a better conversation over WhatsApp? Maybe even checking his e-mails from work?
Sometimes you can even observe an effect of contagion: After someone grabs his phone, other people reach for their mobiles as well. Sometimes until the conversation dies. A group of silent, bent heads around a table, illuminated by the cold light of their mobiles. Edward Hopper says hello.
So, are smartphones killing conversation? Should they be banned from the conversation-table, added to the book of bad-manners?
I argue for no. And yes. It completely depends on the context – and the use of it.
At work we often do several-hour-long brainstormings. Eight brilliant minds in one room, thinking about the same topic. Some are old-school and all they use is pen and paper. But some use their tablets, laptops or phones for the process. There is a constant conversation going on, but technology makes it smarter and more creative. You can verify or falsify information on the spot. Add additional perspectives. Bring some other people in via Skype.
I try to do the same at conversations with friends. If there is a value to be added via smartphone, I make use of it. Googling a song line I forgot but wanted to cite. Finding the answer to a bet I just made. A lot of friends of mine do that with football. They check the results and then talk about it. Do you think this is wrong? I think this is the new reality. There are so many things going on at the same time. Just look how fragmented conversations got with Facebook-Chat and WhatsApp. But does it kill conversation? In contrary: It makes conversation more rich and versatile. But it all depends on the use of it. Checking your phone because you don’t know any better is bullshit.
But I am convinced there is an exception: When conversation gets deep and really personal. When it demands all of your attention – even if all you do is listen. Simone Weil wrote: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” Be generous with your friends. They will appreciate it.