She is smiling at me, constantly smiling. Does she really like me? Probably not. Actually she is also smiling at the people in the rows in the front and in the back in the same way. The stewardess, who we call flight attendant today, gets paid for doing that. I am sitting in a Lufthansa cabin on my way to my next job in bilbao. I get paid for a performance called visual recording: Scribbling things in real time on stage on a huge wall at company events. Visualizing things that people say, but nobody is basically interested in, but this is another story.
I asked the stewardess what “Purser” means, this is the title which is written under her name on her name badge. She said – with a friendly smile on her correct face – that the purser used to be the person on board on a ship who charged the passengers. A purse is actually a wallet in which you put coins in. Purse is money.
I figured out that there are three different types of smile.
1. Smile caused by heart
2. Smile caused by mind
3. Smile caused by purse
The first smile is what we know from children: a honest, frank and winning smile straight from the heart. A real emotion.
The second smile is, when we know that our smile can help others getting in a better mood. Parents smile this way at their children. This smile is also a honest smile, but it comes from your mind, not from your heart. You can smile this way even if you are sad or worried. Remember Benini playing and smiling with his child in the movie “Life is beautiful”. He knew he will die in the concentration camp, but he didn’t want to concern his child. It’s a real smile, but not the emotion it pretends to be.
And there is the third smile, that has replaced the first and second one in most of the human interactions we have in public life: The business smile – a smile which is caused by a job, a contract, a boss, a purse. This is the smile you see in the face of Starbucks baristas. This is the smile you see in the premium branch where service is taught as a unique sales proposition: In the premium hotel sector, in premium restaurants, in premium stores, actually everywhere where you leave a lot of money. This is also the smile you see in the face of prostitutes in the Bergstrasse in Hamburg who wants to get a job on you. And once you signalized you just want to walk through their smiles turn into a frustrated grimasque.
I have to admit, that I really enjoyed being served at Starbucks when they opened in Berlin. I was so used to a bad service and frustrated baristas – Starbucks Service was a real new thing in Germany. And the Starbucks manager told me once, that this is part of the Starbucks philosophy, they call it Third Place strategy. Starbucks simply wants to occupy the third most important place in everyone’s life right after home and work (or school).
I used to work as a Disc Jockey at Radio Kiss FM and I remember a colleague called George telling me that a good radio voice is when you can hear the smile in his words. He said, you would always hear the smile in his mods, even if his mother has just died. A professional doesn’t get rid off the smile. Reminds me of the ugly Joker in Batman. A smile caused by the purse of entertainment.
It surprised me when I read about a boss, who said to his employees exactly the opposite: Don’t smile – as long as you don’t feel it. His name is Götz Werner and he has founded the succesful grocery store DM. And later he wrote books about new economical revolutions such as the basic income grant (Bedingungsloses Grundeinkommen).
Today I look very differently into the faces of the starbucks baristas. I know that they are probably “pursed”. But I really need being smiled at. I am smile addicted – a smile nazi. Of course I prefer the smile by heart. But I cannot expect people to do that. Actually it is a human right not to smile. It’s a human right to look shitty. Nobody should force someone to open his heart. But I found out, that basically it’s not that difficult to get there. In the hearts of your dialogue partners. A compliment opens the door to the heart. I often start a conversation like this: “Oh what a nice sweater you are wearing” or “This is a really beautiful scarf, the color fits you”. (Important detail: You have to mean it when you say it.) There we are. Bam! In your heart. And people leave me with a smile. No purse required.