No matter what you think of there is already a song out there, it seems.
I was thinking of last Saturday and the Thanksgiving dinner feast a good friend of mine threw and made like 12 friends very happy and thankful for the great food. It was the first time that I could participate cause before I wasn’t living here and only heard of it from my ex-boyfriend then who’s also friends with her.
To cut a long story short he (my ex) was also there and since I moved here I’ve seen him only a couple of times. First because I didn’t want to see him, now because there is no reason at all to do so. The breakup was kinda hard and in the beginning I felt too weak to see him. Now when I see him I’m more asking myself: ??? Not that I don’t know the answers because I perfectly know the answers. It’s more that in the past couple of years I changed so much in the way that I know more of what I want and less giving a damn about what somebody else thinks of me. The not just but more according to women tendency of pleasing a man or pleasing people in general is getting less and less important. Of course I’m not pissing people off by saying that I know better ALL the time but more than sometimes ( and these sometimes get more and more frequent) I do. Like I did last saturday to him and to a way younger brat. He was trying to tell me that I’m more german than turkish and I told him that this is total bollocks. She was trying to tell me that I should reconsider my approach to talking to companies and I also told her in a very resolute and non-negotiable way that this is, again, bollocks. First of all I don’t like to be patronized by a bozo who happens to be my exboyfriend with whom I am not in contact for the past two years, second of all a young smarty can’t tell me what to do how only after talking two seconds to me.
The older I get the more I know what I am sure of and what I am able to do or of what I’m not. It’s not that the so-called wisdom as the books were telling really kicks in after a certain age. It’s more a comfort and trust in yourself and your abilities. When I turned 40 this year all my lady friends who were already 40 were warning about the depressions and low-downs etc that come with the age. I on the contrary was more than happy to enter the new stage and me and my ladies took a trip on the Bosphorus in August to celebrate the new decade in style. I am more than happy ever since and greatful only the mild depressions like hangovery ones are hitting me every once in a while but nothing major yet.
What I actually wanted to say about the already written song at the beginning of the piece was: When I thought of the ex the term ‚a love long gone’ came into my mind and I looked it up and found a song with this title right away on YT:
DeYarmond Edison- Love Long Gone
It is beautiful and although the lyrics are a bit cryptic the mood is mellow.
This is kinda the mood that I have for these things long gone, no matter if they’re boyfriends, habits or attitudes, stylistic mishaps or anything in that department. Kinda mellow because it was me who performed all these styles or habits or have been with the guys or we were there together for a reason. Being harsh on myself would mean questioning or regretting my choices and this I prefer not to in general. I think about a many things a many times and if I have thought about it, it is OK then and it is OK forever. The famous song of Edith Piaf pops up my mind and although it’s cheesy as hell I like it.