MoL always enjoys self-help and lifestyle and health columns.
There was a particularly fine crop of mind-numbing cliches in this morning’s free handout paper.
1) We have created a monster out of stress. (MoL is the first to applaud bullet-point psychobabble.)
2) Some people seem to have been hardwired to respond optimistically. (Hardwired is one of those words, like iconic, that has grown meaningless through overuse.)
3) Have a picture in your mind of what you want to be like, both at home and in the office. (Absolutely. This will lead to neurosis and crippling self-doubt as you fail to live up to this image.)
4) You need to keep your reptilian brain happy. (Pass.)
5) Don’t let your thoughts become your reality. (MoL wants to know what this means; exactly.)
6) Try imagining a stop sign, recall a happy place or play a favourite piece of music. (MoL recommends “Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me”.)
7) Reframe your environment. Take a step back and notice what is good. (MoL says be in denial about what a mess your life is; it’s more fun.)
8) Your aim should constantly be to get rid of stress. (MoL says, sounds like an exhausting business.)
9) Hang about with people who top you up with good emotions. (MoL says, get lost, loser.)
10) Your mind is like a parachute and it only works when it is open. (MoL says, but parachutes don’t think.)
11) Guide all your conversations with your end goal in mind. (MoL says how boring.)
12) Break the mould before you break down. (MoL says failure is always more interesting.)
13) Find your life ambition. Find your deeper reason. (MoL says do nothing. Driving anywhere for inessential supplies is out of the question. MoL says it’s all surface and polish. Look anywhere but inside.)
14) Reinvent yourself is the last piece of advice on this essential list and we are told to think Madonna. “Life is a continuous cycle of reinventions.” (MoL says in the case of Madonna, life is a continuous cycle of photocopying. MoL says be less original; try and copy more. You are not an individual, only the accumulation of your pin numbers.)