The government feeds the bureaucracy which feeds the media. Today’s story, a result of a shed of research money being spent, is people are getting so lonely now there is a Campaign to End Loneliness. Because of MoL’s huge search engine monitoring for any sign of the word, it found itself in a website from hell, in which middle-management runs amok. Acronyms include SROI (Social Return on Investment); JSNAs (Joint Strategic Needs Assessments); and JHWSs (Joint Health and Wellbeing Strategies). The logo is of such bad design it’s enough to make anyone depressed: a black, white and green affair with an ugly typeface and “end loneliness” written as “Endloneliness”. Grisly euphemisms include “wellbeing platforms”. Five words of meaningless officialese when two would do: “A growing evidence base around the complex challenge of loneliness” translates into our findings show more people are becoming lonelier as they grow older. The site clearly can’t afford a proofreader (government cuts?) who would have spotted that the inclusion of the second “for” renders the following nonsense: “Feeling lonely can be fleeting, felt for just a day, or for it can be a longer term emotion.” Furthermore, MoL would say “just” a day’s loneliness is not fleeting. And here’s a bit of patronising advice: “It is useful to think positively about doing something to help yourself out of loneliness, while remembering not to blame yourself for feeling this way.” Pull your socks up, dears. Although MoL is considering liquidation, it may yet go into the caring business. Its pilot projects would look to create between £4.86 and £9.57 of social value for every pound of investment. Based on rigorous research and best assumptions, MoL estimates a Social Return on Investment (SROI) of £8.27: £1. Look out for the future MoL website: “Growing Old Is Fucking Awful”, or in a government-style acronym: GOIFA.